A family's story

Posts tagged ‘Life’

Hit Pause

Ferris Bueller famously stated, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” Ironic that a statement from the protagonist in a movie about a truant high-schooler in the 1980’s could hold so much truth. (It’s much more ironic if you consider the fact that I’m one of the biggest rule followers ever.)

I feel like we are always moving around “pretty fast”. Our lives are a blur of school events, “dropping by” the grocery store, errands, shuttling kiddos from one therapy to another, lessons, practices, and homework. We live for the weekends, and even those are often full of hustle and bustle. We get into a groove and we just.don’t.stop.

Sometimes, we are so consumed by the “power through” mentality that we are in danger of missing those little things that can be big things. And sometimes, we are so consumed by getting through this one thing that we may even let a big thing slide by our radar.  

Suffice it to say that since we had our drama over Jake’s IEP a month ago, I’ve decided to stop and look around a bit more. I take the long way when I drive around the town. Before I let the boys have their break after school, we have a conversation about their day. I ask them all questions that I know they understand and can answer. I clarify my statements when they don’t seem to know what I’m saying. I’m trying not to just.make.it.through. As I have implemented this “new” way of life, I am finding that I was, indeed, missing out.

I’m enjoying Cole’s Lego creations. He can construct some complex and intriguing structures–and the stories he concocts to go with them are terrific! Jake is much more aware of his peers and surroundings than any of us thought. He has made several observations about kids in his class, or about dynamics that I had heard about from other people. A month or so ago I would have said he had no clue. But, oh, how he does. He is taking it all in…even when it seems like he isn’t. Also? Jake is so afraid of failure that he is paralyzed to even try. (And this is SO me that it pains me. I really wish he wasn’t so scared. When we’re brave we can accomplish some amazing feats…even if they seem small.) I can’t find the right words to describe how infectious Tate’s zest for life is. I wasn’t allowing myself to feel it for a while…and now, well, I’m soaking up those giggles and those experiences. He is just so happy. I wish we all could live life as he does–so purely. So innocently. So fully.

I’m trying to be fully present with Hubz, too. We’ve been together long enough now that we tend to take each other for granted at times. Lately, I’m really trying to listen to him…instead of just nodding my head and pretending to follow along with the conversation. (Sorry!!) I’ve learned that he’s got quite the passion for his sound system. I don’t really understand it, but I know that tweaking the set up and rearranging the sub-woofers and speakers and center channel speaker, and so on and so forth have a purpose. I love seeing him so passionate about something. I also know how upset he is about an upcoming office move. I wish I could tell him “Everything is Awesome!”…but I don’t know. And sometimes, it’s okay to say that…and to say that I wish it didn’t have to be this way. But I know he’s resilient. I know he is a “glass-half-full” kind of guy…and he’ll make the best of this new situation. I know four of the reasons that he chose to stick with this position and this wacky move. And I hope he knows how much I appreciate him making this God-awful commute so that we don’t have to disrupt the kids’ lives too much.

I hit pause about a month ago. I filtered out some of the clutter. I decided to let in the things that really matter. And you know what? I was missing a whole lot. That is a mistake I am really going to try to avoid again. Life does move too fast…slowing down, even in little ways, can make life a whole lot more wonderful.

 

Drifting Apart

Years ago I made some great friends during a training/probationary hiring period at my first job. We were all recent college grads, and were in similar life situations: decent salary, moving out on own, young, “single”. We had fun the time of our lives.

There are 5 of us gals who still keep in touch. We’ve been to each other’s weddings. We’ve been to each other’s baby showers. Over a decade later, we have watched each other’s children grow, blossom, change.

As our kids grow, and as we’ve changed jobs, houses, and careers, we have begun the inevitable drift. It starts slowly with fewer gatherings and celebrations. It picks up speed as families settle into neighborhoods and routines,  and it is full force as all of the kids are enter school, play sports, participate in clubs, etc.

Within that group, there are 2 girls with whom I am relatively close. We used to get together a lot on our own, or sometimes with our families, or at the very least, email quite a bit. That is different now. Each of us has 3 kids. They both work outside the home, in addition to having their families. I have chaos..they have chaos….we are lucky to see each other once every few months. It makes me a little sad..I miss our chats..

I have meant to reach out to them, but got too wound up in my own “shtuff”. Sometimes the “shtuff” leads to inertia, to isolation…and once out of the habit of regularly communicating, it becomes easier and easier to just let it slide…

On Saturday, during which I was feeling particularly blue, my one friend, G, reached out via email. That perked me right up. I think I may have smiled. I eagerly replied. Then D reached out, too. While we basically gave highlights and overviews, it was great to be in touch. It was great to connect with my old friends.

Throughout our conversation, we mentioned getting together again. We are hoping to go to dinner in February…because that is the first time all of our schedules are open. I am looking forward to that. A night where we can be those 3 young girls again, giggling, chatting, staying out as late as we please. (So what if that now means 10:00…)

So, while I sometimes feel like driftwood in the sea of life, I am glad that occasionally I get reeled in again to be part of the group. Being with old friends is comforting…it’s familiar…it’s what I need.

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