A family's story

Posts tagged ‘Exhausted’

Sleep Deprivation–take 1,002

Tate is having a rough time sleeping. A lot of it centers around the return to school. A portion of it likely has to do with the fact that he has anxiety overload because his teacher is out for the time-being. She is slated for return on January 27th. That’s a long time. I hope that he sleeps soon.

I’m not sure how other kiddos do when they have their sleep issues, but lately, it seems that Tate takes a while to fall asleep, usually conking out around 9-9:30. He wakes up between 2 and 3. Often, he’ll call for me. Or start whining. I don’t know how many others are, but I am a LIGHT sleeper. Like, I could probably wake up if a feather fell onto my nightstand. So I wake up and because I’m also in this wacky sleep cycle with him, I let him crawl into bed with me and Hubz. THANKFULLY, lately, Tate just pulls the blanket over his head and falls right back asleep. But I don’t.

I also have the unfortunate occurrence of my alarm clock going off at 5:30 am. So I can go walk on the treadmill. I know, I’m crazy. However, if I don’t get up to walk then, it just doesn’t happen.

Naps aren’t really my thing, and I don’t have time to squeeze one in, either.  With errands, shopping, cleaning up the house, trying to write in my blog, etc, the naps are pushed to the wayside. After school is even worse. We have something every single afternoon. AND this is the week that Jake’s teachers have decided to ramp up the homework, so he has an hour of homework a night…which ends up being more than that when we factor in the whining, the meltdowns, the breaks, the deep breaths and the ranting…and that’s just me. 😉

Sooo, I am hopeful that Tate’s sleep gets more regular again. I miss my 7 consecutive hours of sleep. I really, really do!!!

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Anxiety is a Beast

Anxiety is a beast. If I had to draw it, my anxiety beast would be dark purple and black, with sharp claws and pointy teeth. It would have spiky, somewhat matted fur…and it would stink. (You know, the wavy lines…)

Anxiety has the power to suffocate, inspire fear, deprive sleep, deprive experience, hinder social prowess, and prevent growth. It is insidious. It is ugly. It is nasty. I try to fight it…to keep it under control, but it is difficult, especially this time of the year.

The end of any chapter in life causes some anxiety. But the end of the school year?! It’s one of the worst offenders! Jake is so off kilter. It’s causing him to be more forgetful, more short-tempered, more clingy. He was making progress again…but now?? He’s stymied in this ugly place.

Last night he had lacrosse practice. He griped about going–for the first time this season. He just wanted to sit and watch tv–the familiar, predictable past-time of his. I made him go. The coach had the boys doing laps. Jake melted down. It was not pretty. I was torn between letting the coach handle it and running out there, and dragging him home. I restrained myself…and Jake calmed down and began practice again.

This morning Jake had a tantrum over a water bottle. I prepared it and told him to take it. He balked at it. Temps were forecast to be near 90, and there is no a/c in his school. He needed it! After some encouragement, he put it in his backpack, grumbling all the way.

Tate is a mess. He’s not sleeping (see yesterday’s post). He’s fighting his therapists. He whines for a good 20 minutes (even with 10 and 5-minute warning) at dinner. He has tried (unsuccessfully) to talk me into staying home from school. He has 5 days left, for goodness’ sake! If I ask him questions, he avoids. If I want to play with him, he stims and perseverates. He is mostly “himself” in the early hours before school, or when we go to the park and he swings.

I’m so scattered. The end of the school year brings anxiety…the unfamiliar…the “official” end of the old and the beginning of the new. We have the “last” of this, that, and the other. I have to adapt to a big schedule change.I have to get everyone ready for their repsective summer activities. (Aaand,there may also be some tears shed over the prospect of being with the kids for 12 weeks. Yes, they have plenty of activities and what-not, but still…).

And, of course, there’s Cole…he feeds on all of our unrest and contributes the only way a soon-to-be-three-year-old knows how: he’s naughty. I swear that child’s ears are broken! His increased need for direction, attention, and love just drains my already depleted stores of everything.

We’ll power through the next week and we’ll make it through…we always do…but I am just so done. And in need of a break.

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