I’m going to start by saying that I am terrible about ending relationships. Awful. I have let far too many go on for far too long. Many times, the situation has gotten toxic and out of hand before I take action. I dislike conflict. I abhor confrontation. And change, change makes me feel so…so…anxious. So much so, that I’ll tolerate a situation or relationship or job for much longer than any sane individual should.
While we love our ABA therapists, we are not very happy with our coordinator/director. There is little communication. I actually sent out the summer schedule this year. I had to send emails upon emails upon emails to her to get any type of answer. We often “agree to disagree”. I get brief emails with directions. We rarely talk face to face, and when we do, it feels like I’m being chastised or corrected…like I don’t know what I’m doing. (In regards to ABA, that may be true, but I DO know my son.)
I was referred to another BCBA from someone. This BCBA consults on all of her clients cases. She meets with the team once a month–without being prompted by the parents. I talked with her. I read her resume and background. I talked to a current client. I love her approach of using traditional ABA concepts, but also incorporating other methods of therapy and education. She takes our insurance, too. I can’t find anything wrong with the new BCBA.(Except that she lives in the city, so we’ll have the same issue of her having to travel out here to run meetings and such.)
And yet…I have dragged my feet for a month on this. I don’t know how to let go of our current provider. Logically, I know it’s business. Our current provider may be frustrated or disappointed in losing a client, but I know she’ll be able to find others. But my emotions get the best of me…and my resistance to change does, as well. I know this situation. We function within it…even if it may not be the best one out there, he is making progress. But I also know that there’s got to be a better way.
I can’t figure out what is causing me to be so resistant. Change, I guess. Change is hard. Change is uncomfortable. I like the same old same old. Even if it’s not great. Also, I worry about losing our therapists that Tate has come to know so well…although, I have it on good authority that the new BCBA works with both of our main therapists…so there is a possibility that he’ll have at least one of them going forward.
In the end, though, I need to do what is right for Tate. I will have to switch providers. Even though it puts me in an awkward place. Pushes me out of my comfort zone. I know he has to deal with that every day, I think I can manage it for this.