A family's story

Do-Over

Based on the start of my day, I have to say that I am pleasantly surprised by the way my day has gone. I think re-entry into our routine has been successful so far. I woke up afraid that my day was going to go miserably. I could not sleep after about 2:45 this morning. I was up on and off. First I was too hot. Then Hubz was snoring. Then I rolled over and hit myself in the face. I was about to call “uncle” and get up on my own at 5:30, but I didn’t want to wake up the boys, who miraculously were still asleep. I laid in bed and absorbed the quiet. I hadn’t had much of that over the past couple of weeks.

I thought about my resolve to be more healthy this year. After 2 weeks “off-plan” from Weight Watchers, I needed to get back on track with healthy meals and snacks. I had tracked my food over the break, so at least I was aware of how much junk I was consuming. My biggest struggle hasn’t been what I eat..but how much. Portion Control is my nemesis! I enjoyed some super-sized portions…and a few more nights of take-out than I normally should. I could feel it, too. On the flip side, I was very good about getting in 30 minutes on the treadmill every single day during break. Even on Christmas and New Year’s Day(s). Still, I felt guilty as I laid in bed. Can’t let that get in my way. Like anything…I can’t let a set-back derail my progress. It happens.

Speaking of progress, I thought of Tate. He only has 3 more months of insurance-approved ABA therapy left. I am somewhat scared of what happens next. ABA is not the end-all-be-all of my son’s existence, however, he has made such great gains and progress since he started ABA therapy that I worry about regression or stagnation if it is stopped. If we can’t get further approval for an exception for Tate, I need to get creative. ABA isn’t cheap. At all. I know we won’t be doing our 3-hour daily sessions, but we could probably afford a couple of 1 1/2 hour sessions a month. I felt myself perseverating on this one. He is making gains…and yet, he still speaks mostly in scripts and echolalia. He is showing progress, but still doesn’t handle social situations with much degree of comfort. He’s come so far…but he still has so many areas where he struggles. (Insert overdone sigh here.)

I thought about my resolve to be more present. I am addicted to my phone. Just because I have the ability to surf the web or be on Facebook or play a game 24 hours a day doesn’t mean that I should.  I really noticed that lately I get annoyed when someone else, such as, oh, a dependent child, demands my attention while I’m on my phone–again. I logged how many hours I was spending on my phone…and, well, I have a problem. (Hides face with hands in shame.) I am really trying to put the phone away and only surf on it occasionally. It’s going to be tough, but in the end, I will be a better person and parent for it.

Finally the clock flipped to 6:00. I heard Jake in his room. “It’s six-zero-zero. I’m getting up.” His door opened and he threw the light on in the boys’ bathroom. He dropped the toilet seat. After that commotion, Tate galloped over to my side of the bed. “Mommy. I use your phone? I sleep with you?” As Tate climbed into bed, Cole started to sound his Mom-alarm. “Mom. Momma. Mommy. Mom-mEEEEE! I peed in my bed.” Fan-frickin’-tastic. I got up. Tate told me to stay. That was not an option. I got Cole out of bed, helped him clean up and put on some dry underwear and a shirt. We sat and just were for a few minutes.

I got up, and Cole joined Tate in our bed. Hubz tried to hide under a pillow. I shut the bathroom door and started the shower. I decided to let him handle the two rapscallions while I got ready for our first day back in the typical routine. It felt good to just drown out my kids’ noise in the shower.

I made my way downstairs, eventually, and every time I sat down, one of the boys needed..absolutely NEEDED me. I lost my temper. I huffed and puffed. I was just as bad as they were. I think we were all just ready to get on with our day. The time flew by, as always, and before I knew it, we were scrambling to get outside for Tate’s bus. I looked at my phone (eek!), and realized it was only 7:55. We had 10 minutes..and it was cold out there…but the boys wanted to go outside, so we did. They bickered over some snow toys and over who-threw-snow-in-who’s face. But, then Tate’s bus arrived. He looked relieved to get on there. The neighbor’s nanny drove by and picked up Jake. Cole and I meandered inside.

I jumped on the treadmill and started my daily 30-minute walk. As I pounded my feet on the tread, Cole watched Dora. We bantered playfully. I decided to start over… to approach my day with a better attitude. When I got off of my treadmill, that is exactly what I did.

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Comments on: "Do-Over" (2)

  1. It’s almost scary – not just how much Tate is like Toots but how much you are like me! I too faltered with Weight Watchers over the holidays and had to forgive and move on, and I too, kept up on my bike for -guess how long? Yep – 30 minutes every day including Christmas and New Years!! Yay for us!! The weight will come back off, eventually…

    Returning to school will be so good for our boys. Mine is doing so much of asking the same question over and over that I was close to committing myself in a little white jacket… Makes you really look forward to summer vacation, eh? 😉

    ABA has decreased for us as well – lots of IEP, insurance issues going on here that I will eventually write about. Glad you are taking a do-over. We all need one now and then!

  2. I really feel for you. I mean, I have TOTALLY been right where you are. The “electronics addition” (for me, it’s the iPad) and getting cranky all too quickly. But those moments where we really ARE in the moment with our kids? that makes it all worthwhile, right?

    I guess if you can forgive yourself, then I can too…. maybe we should get Karen to start a forgiveness meme/ 😉

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