A family's story

In two days my oldest son will make his First Communion. I am so excited for him, as it is a big rite of passage. At the same time I am feeling overwhelmed. Will we get everything done in time to celebrate? Will he feel special? Will he remember the day fondly, as I remember mine? Will his brothers remain entertained and not interrupt the Mass?

I feel akin to a school kid who’s muddling through finals week. I’m going through the motions, but am I doing this right? Am I giving it the correct balance of celebration and reverence?? Will I pass the test?!

On top of the First Communion, I am trying to get summer figured out. Registrations, payments, transportation, etc. I feel like I’m always behind the 8-ball. Do my kids know how frazzled I am? Do they know I feel like a basket case? In the end I am usually able to pull it all off, and they go where I tell them…and life is good. But it’s the behind-the-scenes minutae that is driving me insane right now.

These are totally the moments where I miss my mom. Did she fumble around like this? Did she have insecurity? Because, to me and my sisters, Mom was the master. She sailed through this motherhood thing like it was a small, calm lake. To me, she was self-asssured and had it all figured out. She made it look easy…and I strive to be like her…but right now?! I feel like a mess. I could use a hug and a pep talk right about now…

Two years ago as my mom was convelescing, we talked about many things…and I made sure she knew how much I loved her, how much she meant to me and the boys, how she was my role-model. I didn’t think to ask if she ever felt like this…or how she got through it…or if it made her life frought with anxiety. Oh well, I guess if it didn’t seem important then, in the scheme of things, it mustn’t be so important….and as long as my boys know that they are loved and feel celebrated, at least I am doing something right….right??

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Comments on: "Should I sweat the small stuff??" (4)

  1. There’s a reason we get to celebrate our day once a year! I think it’s because everyone thinks we do it all easily. Someone has to focus on all those details so they get done! You worrying is your way of assuring yourself that the i’s are dotted and t’s are crossed. It will be beautiful.

    We carry our moms with us – always. If you give yourself a moment to relax, at peace, you will know in your heart what your mom is saying to you. She is always with you, my friend. And I can guarantee that she’s telling you not to sweat the small stuff. ((Hugs))

    • Thank you, Karen. I agree…she is there, trying to tell me to breathe and let some of it go…I appreciate your kind words and support.

  2. I can tell you, you’re doing a great job. And I’d bet your mom struggled with the same things you are—I think we just didn’t see it—we were too busy being kids. What do you think???

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