Mr. Sandman, Bring me a Dream…

For the love of all things holy my son has GOT to start sleeping through the night again. Tate has never, EVER been a good sleeper. He didn’t start sleeping through the night until he was 3. As in YEARS. I lost so many braincells back then…I know my IQ dropped. Seriously.

Anyway, when his brother was born, and after he started Early Childhood Preschool, his sleeping improved. He was still up a few times a week, but not every night…and not for hours at a time. We have had occasional setbacks, but we have gotten some sleep.

Enter ABA therapy. His anxiety spiked, and his sleeping went to garbage. On top of it, about a month into ABA, we started meds for ADHD. We are seeing improvements in impulsivity and focus. I know it’s working…however, I have the nagging suspicion that his sleeplessness may be a very unpleasant side effect. *sigh* Why does it always have to be something?

I realize that he hasn’t slept through since Saturday night! Sunday he did sleep, but only once he climbed into bed with me and Hubz. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday have been awful. He wakes at 2 and does.not.go.back.to.sleep. At all. Last night was one of those nights with screaming, panic, anxiety, stimming, shaking, and bed-hopping. Hubz and I did shifts…and today we are both running on empty. I don’t know how my kid is standing upright. He’s definitely fixing for a mega-meltdown.

Days like these make me want to cry..and scream..and throw my hands up. I am failing the kids…all 3. I can’t help Tate sleep, I am short-tempered with Jake and his need for constant reassurance, and I blow up with frustration when Cole acts like a typical 2 year-old. My kids are watching too much tv, the house needs a scrub-down, meals are thrown together haphazardly, without regard for proper nutrition, and I am a mess.

I know this too shall pass, but today, today I am in a hard place, and hope seems so far away…